Sugar by Deirdre Riordan Hall

I recently finished Sugar by Deirdre Riordan Hall. This book was somewhat difficult to read and will definitely be difficult to write about because of my relationship with food.  Please bear with me as I ponder my thoughts about this wonderful book.

Plot

This book follows Mercy Bella Legowski-Gracia, a/k/a Sugar through the trials and tribulations she experiences both during High School and living with her morbidly obese bedridden mother. Sugar is an almost 18-year-old Junior at Johnson Regional High School in New Hampshire. Due to her weight and socioeconomic status, Sugar is often the butt of jokes and pranks at her school. Sugar is the youngest of her parent’s children, following Henry (a/k/a Fat Henry) and Ernesto (a/k/a Skunk).

Up until this year, Sugar’s life has been very depressing, seemingly without hope for her future. She has been the butt of her classmates’ jokes, she has had to be her mother’s primary caretaker after mom fell and blew out her knees, and she has had to deal with her older brother Skunk’s increasingly terrifying behaviors.

photo credit: Her Personal Summer via photopin (license)

Sugar experiences a breath of fresh air when Even Anderson moves to town from the New Hampshire coast. Even sees Sugar for who she really is, not simply as everyone at school sees her. After literally bumping into Sugar in the cafeteria, Even goes out of his way--becoming Sugar’s friend. He hangs out with her on a regular basis and they walk to school together often. Because of Even, Sugar has a newfound agency to become more than her mother’s slave and more than the girl made fun of by her classmates. Because of Even, Sugar has once in a lifetime experiences (seeing the coast for the first time, going to NYC for the first time), and she even becomes a licensed motorcycle driver—because of Even.

Soon, Sugar must learn to autonomously rely upon herself to escape the confines of her home. Skunk and his friends start terrorizing her, her mother becomes even more demanding and downgrading than ever, and she is the butt of a terrible Senior class prank at the Johnson Regional High School.

Mercy Bella beginning her cross country trip.
photo credit: via photopin (license)

What I Loved

Reading this book was intensely personal due to my relationship with food. Hi, my name is Michelle, and I am an emotional eater. My job is one of the most stressful I could ever find—simply because I am not able to leave the horror and desolation behind. Much like Mercy Bella, I am only recently learning to have a positive relationship with food (ironically, I have cut as much Sugar out of my diet as possible, since January this Sugar-aholic has been dessert free and has lost 25 plus pounds!!). It is very easy to let external factors control you and have a great impact on your weight; however, it is very difficult to get these external factors under control. I loved witnessing Sugar’s journey from Sugar to Mercy Bella.

This leads me to something I tell the juvenile offenders on my caseload all the time…this situation is what you’ve done (or what has been done to you) NOT WHO YOU ARE!! Sugar is so very much more than an obese girl. She is a walker, she is a motorcycle driver, she is a girl who recognized that she needed someone to talk to, she is a daughter, she is a sister, she is a friend, and most importantly, she is a very valuable person.

Selected Quotes

Sugar reflecting on how she lost friends due to her size: “For some reason, my size made me unwanted, a nuisance, and specifically, about as desirable as accidentally touching a wad of chewed gum on the underside of a desk” (Riordan Hall, 2015 p. 10).

Sugar reflecting on her feelings: “Never in all my life, have I felt anything close to pride, like the winning contestant cheering on TV. Mostly, I just know shame” (Riordan Hall, 2015 p. 12).

Sugar reflecting on seeing bullies from school at the local grocery store: “I try to ignore them. I hold back the tears that blur my eyes. I force the cart forward and down the nearest aisle. I want to get away from them, but almost more than that, I want to get away from myself” (Riordan Hall, 2015 p. 17).

Sugar pondering her relationship with food after eating her very first Twinkie ever in the grocery store: “I plow through my Twinkie stash and, before I know it, I hardly remember what they tasted like. All that remains are my full belly and very empty heart. Preservative-filled tubes of sponge cake are a poor substitute for decency” (Riordan Hall, 2015 p. 19).

Even complimented Sugar’s beautiful smile, and here’s her reflection: “I remember his comment about my smile. No one, not a single person in my entire life, has ever paid me a compliment. I’m at once excited and humbled” (Riordan Hall, 2015 p. 62-63).

Even takes Sugar to his hometown on the coast of New Hampshire. Sugar has the following revelation: “’This is my dad. I’ve never known him either. He’s somewhere out there, I think,” I say, looking toward the ocean. The world’s a bigger place than Johnson Regional High School, Od Town, and the bitterness within the walls of my house” (Riordan Hall, 2015 p. 91).

Even finds a shell for Sugar on the beach. He relates the following: “’See this?” Even holds out a shell smoothed into the shape of a heart by the tumbling sea. “It’s for you. A shell like this one, beautiful to begin with, can get cracked and slivered, and then time, the tides, maybe even the wind, tumble and toss it, and it becomes something new, a perfect version of itself” (Riordan Hall, 2015 p. 93).

After an incredibly terrible even, Mercy Bella realizes her relationship to food, stating “As plainly as if it’s written on a doctor’s chart in front of me, I suddenly see that when I feel bad, sad, mad—whenever I feel anything, I turn to food” (Riordan Hall, 2015 p. 130-131).

Mercy Bella reflecting on her therapy session: “Juliana asked me about the thoughts, the mean little voice, I have in relation to my body and if I would ever say those kinds of things to a friend. She suggests when I hear it, I say the words out loud” (Riordan Hall, 2-15 p. 248).

Final Thoughts

Sugar was a very personal book to read. I realize that not everyone will have the same set of associated feelings with this book as I do. However, I would universally recommend this book. Teenagers often feel like they are misfits like they do not have a place in this world. Even if a teenager is “normal” and fits in everywhere they go, I would still recommend this book because it would help to build empathy for others. I was fortunate to be able to read this book through Amazon’s Kindle Unlimited program. I will be purchasing it as well because I do not want to lose my notes for this wonderful book.